Finding My Reason by Claudia Burgoa

Author:Claudia Burgoa
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Claudia Burgoa
Published: 2016-10-19T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 20

Jade

December 31sth, 2015

Last week was Christmas, and my brother was too cheap to fly home. The hospital was short-staffed so my mom had to go in and assist the nurses in the ER. The holidays are always rough at the hospital. Hudson never wants to see his family unless they come to us. Libby, my best friend, decided to go to Fiji for Christmas this year, since her daughter Heather, is with her father’s family. Even Brody and Claire were out of town with some relatives and their boys.

Hudson, for his part, isn’t an avid Christmas fan either. Traveling this year was out of the question. With everything that’s been going right for his company, we had to stay. Christmas for us mostly consisted of quietly eating dinner on the 25th. It’s starting to become a habit, that I have to find the time for us to be together. He’s too busy at the office; there’s a new software he’s planning on launching next year. The success of his company excites me, I know how much he struggled to get it off the ground, but for once I’d like for him to give me some of the time he dedicates to it. At least during evenings and the holidays.

Yet, when New Year’s Eve arrived, I expected a surprise. Unlike other years, we don’t have plans. The annual trip didn’t happen. Last week when I told Claire my theory, she thought I was crazy.

“Ever since I told him my expectations, he’s been acting...different,” I explained while enjoying the red wine one of her clients gifted her for Christmas. No, enjoying is wrong. It was more like drowning my sorrows. “Do you know when the last time he said I love you was?”

Or we had sex? He hasn’t touch me for so long that my skin is wilting along with my heart.

“Please, enlighten me, and that’s your last glass of wine. I think you’re drunk.” I was only tipsy, but drunk in sorrow.

“The night I confronted him and told him about my desire to marry him and having his children,” I continued, drinking from my glass like if it was a cheap shot of tequila. “Maybe that’s it, that he doesn’t love me anymore. He’s waiting for me to up and leave so he can find a more suitable wife and mother to his children. Libby doesn’t believe me, but if he continues being a shithead, I’m leaving him first.”

Needless to say, I had to stay that night at Claire’s because we both ended up drinking the five bottles of Chardonnay she received that day. Continuing in this relationship is becoming challenging and hurtful. I feel as if I keep giving and giving, while Hudson pushes me away and wasting what I give him. This is the first New Year’s Eve I am wearing my pajamas and watching Netflix while Hudson is working. God, I sound like a whiney woman who isn’t getting her way. Is it really that important to

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